Rant: keep that gadgety bullshit out of my car

"Textured Soy Protein" (texturedsoyprotein) 01/08/2015 at 12:15 • Filed to: None

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I'm a nerd. I love gadgets. I also love cars. Car companies keep hopping on the nerdy bandwagon and showing up at electronics trade shows like CES with newer and ever more complicated in-car gadgets, and I kinda hate all of this shit.

I'm a gadget fiend. In my household comprised of myself, my gf, and our 3 cats, we have the following gadgets: 2 Android smartphones, 1 iPad, 1 Android tablet, 2 bigass TVs with stereos & internet connected media boxes, Logitech Harmony remotes to control all that shit, 4 laptops, a fancy JBL bluetooth speaker, several cameras, a spiffy-ass router to make sure our gadgets can drink from the full 60 Mbps internet firehose we pay for, and more chargers and random cables than any sane person really needs. Oh, and a landline phone because getting it made our cable bill lower. And I still hate in-car gadgets.

The picture above is inside the !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! . Its gauge cluster is a screen, and the center controls are two screens. It is of course being messed with by a bunch of tech journalists, one of whom is using an iPhone 6 on a hand-held steadicam mount to shoot a video.

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Best I can tell, the entire point of the Golf R Touch is to say "LOOK AT ALL THE SCREENS WE HAVE!" It also has cameras inside the car with gesture recognition software. So instead of using a physical knob or button to change your temperature setting a couple degrees, you can wave your arms around like Steve Ballmer at a Clippers game to accomplish the same task.

Oh, and don't forget the customizable color-changing mood lighting! Now you can have a high-tech 21st century version of when the kids at my high school in the late 90s haphazardly stuck neon lights under the dashes of their hopped up Ford Probes.

Car companies are chasing all of this flash trying to show off how cool their cars are, but cars have a much longer shelf life than gadgets. The !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! . What looks all spiffy now is going to seem terrible 11.4 years from now. By then, we'll think the stuff on dealer lots today looks like something out of a late-80s Buick Reatta, with its CRT touch screen.

The most infuriating thing about these in-car gadgets, is that they just don't work very well. I've yet to experience an in-car infotainment type setup that comes even close to being as intuitive as your typical Apple or Android smartphone.

Car companies have completely failed to grasp the concept that if they put some gadgety shit on the dash of their car, it needs to work at least as well as plain old buttons and knobs or else it's a total waste of time. BUT LOOK AT ALL THE SCREENS, they say.

Maybe there's hope in the future. Apple CarPlay and Android Auto are both supposed to be simpler, and allow your phone to do most of the heavy lifting. Many car companies !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! .

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I'm not completely averse to technology in the car. I use my phone for plenty of stuff: music through Pandora and Spotify, and navigation with Google Maps. But I've yet to find a car with a good infotainment system, so I stick with a !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! and an aux jack or bluetooth for audio.

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In order for in-car tech to really be useful, the car companies need to learn a few things:

1. Touchscreens need to butt out of basic car functions like HVAC. Stick to audio and navigation.

2. Capacitive buttons in place of real buttons are the devil. (I'm looking at you, Cadillac CUE.) Real buttons have worked well for decades. Capacitive buttons don't add any functionality, and actually work worse than regular buttons, for the sake of being "high tech."

3. Don't try to outdo Google Maps or other navigation systems on phones. A car working from a map database stored in the car is never going to be as up-to-date as a phone connected to the internet. Integrate with them instead.

4. BE SIMPLE. Make it easy to pair up a phone, and make common apps that pull data from the phone—like navigation and audio—easily accessible.

5. BE UPGRADEABLE. Cars last a long time. Don't make these infotainment systems so tightly integrated into the car that they can't be easily replaced. The basics like screens and microphones can stay in place, but have a couple of upgrade paths available. Push out regular software updates just like how iOS and Android get updated. Also make it so the control box that contains the actual hardware running these things can be changed out in a few years. It would be great to buy an old used car, and you could make it up to date with all the current phones by just updating the software, or hitting up the dealer for a new control box that costs a couple hundred bucks. Bonus for car companies: they can make money selling control box upgrades.

If more new cars followed these rules, I'd be a lot more likely to hop on the gadgety-bullshit-in-the-car bandwagon. But for now, I'm sticking with my phone and vent mount.

505Turbeaux > Textured Soy Protein 01/08/2015 at 12:20

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the ideal for me

Funktheduck > Textured Soy Protein 01/08/2015 at 12:23

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The average age of my cars is 21 years.

I agree with you on a lot of points. Yay.

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > Textured Soy Protein 01/08/2015 at 12:24

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I'm ashamed to say I'm commenting without reading the whole article, only because I know I'll agree with everything.

I want a new Canyon in the next couple years and it sucks you have to get a bigass touch screen if you want the All Terrain package. I just want better off-roadability, I don't want the touch screen!

Tekamul > Textured Soy Protein 01/08/2015 at 12:25

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I hate this person so much. I don't even know who they are, but I hate them so much.

thebigbossyboss > Textured Soy Protein 01/08/2015 at 12:26

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I didn't read the whole article, but I think I generally agree because I hate touch screens in cars.

PowderHound > Textured Soy Protein 01/08/2015 at 12:30

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I must be getting old... I am using a lot fewer electronic gadgets in my life. I also don't want any lights in my car. Just barely lit enough to see the gauges and barely anything on the radio.

DipodomysDeserti > Funktheduck 01/08/2015 at 12:35

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My 30+ year old 325e has more electronics in the dash than my 2011 Forester did. Fuckin hell BMW.

McMike > Textured Soy Protein 01/08/2015 at 12:37

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http://oppositelock.jalopnik.com/cardomaining-d…

450X_FTW > Textured Soy Protein 01/08/2015 at 12:37

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Get a dirt bike. That watch on the bar pad is the only piece of technology on the bike (granted it's carb and not EFI, just using a random picture from google image)

Slant6 > MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner 01/08/2015 at 12:40

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Buy the base 4x4 trim and make it offroad able with aftermarket stuff. Will be cheaper and more capable.

Mosqvich > Textured Soy Protein 01/08/2015 at 12:43

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Distracted driving is definitely an issue. With or without tech. Tech makes it worse.

http://oppositelock.jalopnik.com/distracted-dri…

Funktheduck > DipodomysDeserti 01/08/2015 at 12:48

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Everything on my e30 still work except the odometer recently broke and the little swipey thing on the radio that adjusts balance and bass. The odometer can be fixed with new gears. Not sure what to do for the radio. It's definitely a simpler car compared to my 3 with its screen and other techno bits.

DipodomysDeserti > Funktheduck 01/08/2015 at 12:50

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The only thing broken on mine now is the sunroof and odometer, both because of mechanical failure. I did have to replace my DME though.

Zipppy, Mazdurp builder, Probeski owner and former ricerboy > Textured Soy Protein 01/08/2015 at 12:58

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Touch screens are terribad. I remember the time I could text without looking on a number pad.

Justin Hughes > Textured Soy Protein 01/08/2015 at 13:04

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I agree on a lot of this. Tech is fine as long as it's usable - as long as it helps you with the task of driving the car. Tech for the sake of tech is stupid and needlessly complicated for the driver. It's just like user interface design for computer software (which I've dabbled in).

I skipped automatic climate controls because once I learned what dials and buttons do what, I can adjust them without taking my eyes off the road. Similarly, my biggest beef with my infotainment system is up/down/skip buttons on the touchscreen only. I have to look away from the road to change stations or tracks, where buttons would work better.

I added a ham radio to my car, but it's preprogrammed and easy to use while I drive. I'm not doing this:

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > Slant6 01/08/2015 at 13:13

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$1190 gets me quite a bit that I like about it, including the interior colors and the wheels.

Big benefit is the upgrade from all season to all terrain tires, transfer case shield.

Though, you have to have the $500 SLE Convenience package which includes remote start and automatic climate control so it really costs $1690.

Jordaneer, The Mountaineer Man > Textured Soy Protein 01/08/2015 at 13:19

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this is why I like my 2000 mercury mountaineer, it has a decent aftermarket sony stereo with an aux imput, and all the rest, navigation, music, is from my phone. there are physical buttons for the stuff such as air conditioning, heating, lights, etc.

Kate's Dirty Sister > Textured Soy Protein 01/08/2015 at 14:48

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I fucking like mood lightning, and touch screen, and streaming music gover bluethoot and automatic temperature control and whatnot

I'm not with you

Textured Soy Protein > Kate's Dirty Sister 01/08/2015 at 15:03

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I like bluetooth audio streaming and automatic temperature control. That's not really what my post is about. More that car companies keep putting in more and more screens and such, but they don't work well, aren't upgradeable, and make the overall experience of dealing with the car worse.

Gizmo - The Only Good Gremlin, but don't feed me after Midnight > Textured Soy Protein 01/09/2015 at 00:47

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I must I agree with you, but from another angle. The car companies want to add integration for the masses that both (the car company and the consumer) can afford - and they keep missing the mark. This is not new as you showed with the Riata. The two things I would add to your list are screen/app customization and an alternative analog input device.

Where am I coming from with this another angle crap? Well all my cars for the last 15-18 years have looked something like this:

This is my version of what is commonly referred to as a CarPC (see MP3Car.Com). And until recently, 1000% more capable than any OEM Infotainment system. Yes, it does have a touchscreen, but I prefer the shifter input so I don't have to take my eyes off the road. It meets all your requirements and mine as well as transferable to multiple cars ( so if I hop outta my Eldorado and into my XLR-V, it pauses the music and GPS Tracking when I undock as 20 seconds after docking in the next car, starts up right where I left off). Same interface, same capabilities, same everything...although I stashed the tablet between the seats and upgraded the shifter in the XLR.

Consider this: an infotainment system that YOU choose which apps it can run; YOU choose where the buttons/sliders/text go - ON EVERY SCREEN; YOU choose how the apps interact; YOU choose how the CarPC/apps interact with the car (yes my CarPC is tied to the OBDII as well as 8 other sensors like rainsense and can control 16 car items like windows and sunroof so the CarPC will know when the weather outside turns rainy and will automatically close the windows and sunroof, then text me to tell me it did); YOU are in control.

I have matured my system to outrageous automation, but only because I'm lazy. The CarPC hobby has all but died lately, moreso because we've integrated everything possible, vice the OEMs are doing it better or cheaper. Many newbs give up because it is a hobby -they install something and think that's it, they're done and find themselves tweaking this then that, then something else stops working, etc. etc., etc. and eventually go buy a car with CUE and pretend their happy with it. Although I haven't made any major changes in the last 6 years, the systems require maintenance and upkeep, when things stop working I can't drop it off at the dealership and have them fix it (I doubt the OEM systems will either but they can just replace the whole thing and start over). My system has an automated HD Radio - unheard of in a car of its age and still rare today in most OEM systems. As soon as I'm within 30 miles of a major metropolitan area, the presets for the radio change to my favorites for that city. I have XM that remembers my favorite songs and will alert me when one of my favorites is playing on any , yes any, XM station,regardless of which one I'm currently listening to. With full-time internet, GPS-based weather and traffic are automatically updated every 5 minutes. One button on my nav screen searches the internet for the 16 cheapest gas stations near me and when I select one of them sends the location info to the Nav starting the turn-by-turn directions to it. This is just the tip of the iceberg... I could go on and on and on. Did I mention DVR for both front and rear cameras, GPS recording and overlay on DVR, internet based speedtrap warnings, speed-based volume attenuation, voice I/O, TPMS, alarm sensors that text me. Let me stop now, I've forgotten a lot of the automation I've done because it just works in the background and doesn't bother me unless something is wrong.

Now what I really hate are all the OEM safety automation lately like automatic braking and lane departure correction - that stuff is just dangerous. If you need that stuff you don't need to be driving, get a chauffeur.

Textured Soy Protein > Gizmo - The Only Good Gremlin, but don't feed me after Midnight 01/09/2015 at 01:37

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That is...complete overkill for what I want.

Gizmo - The Only Good Gremlin, but don't feed me after Midnight > Textured Soy Protein 01/09/2015 at 01:42

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Me too, but once I got started and started getting things to work together...I WAS ADDICTED!

Tohru > Textured Soy Protein 04/26/2015 at 09:52

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As someone who had LED mood lights taped to the bottom of the dash of their 90’s Ford Probe, screw you. :P